I don’t really know who she is or how I found her but wow…this episode explains why we can’t make decisions omg… from husband AND childhood for me. My sister who was more like golden child as I was the clearly differentiated scapegoat can not get my struggles at all to this day. Thanks for walking us through in such detailed examples of how this happens, how we think through all scenarios before even opening our mouth, and how there’s no way to please our husbands no matter how many ways so called Christian’s and counselors suggest “new” things we’ve already done for years. The episode with the last married 40 years was awesome! So many episodes that have need such a try blessing in my life. Only one rousing I remember questioning, I think one about codependency. I didn’t feel I related to that. But my God, these have so clearly laid out in words to things that I could not explain. I was thinking how people call social services when kids are being neglected or abused, yet this hidden all consuming life damaging abuse gets completely ignored. If you try to say something you’re looked at like you’re the crazy one. Keep informing. Thanks for being a voice! Your life is helping!

I started listening to this podcast after my divorce. It has made such a tremendous difference in how I see myself in that 27 year relationship. My ex-spouse has tried every way possible to make me the Narcissist and he has been very successful at it. I was apologizing for things that I didn’t even do. Circular conversations were mind numbing, especially in the last 2 years. Listening to this podcast opened my eyes to what I have been dealing with. Thank you for every episode. My eyes are wide open now.

I discovered this podcast after leaving a 28-year marriage with a covert narcissist. At the time, I was unaware of why I couldn’t make my marriage work and felt compelled to study and research the emotional abuse I had endured throughout my life. I needed help to understand myself and to change the course of my life moving forward. I would often fall asleep with podcast episodes playing in my head, allowing them to silence and soothe my negative thoughts. Four years later, after countless miles of hiking and biking, undergoing therapy, and even using a sledgehammer for energy release to renovate my new home, your podcasts have been a lifeline. They have been a source of comfort and strength throughout my journey of healing and self-discovery. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the incredible work you do and for reaching so many people, including me.

After listening to only a few of these podcasts it’s quite familiar what I’m hearing from the show “stopping the self doubt and how to become narcissist resilient” this is so true it makes me gag, because I have dealt with abuse from my mom my entire life. I have not known any better and I fell into a narcissistic relationship with my bf for 11 years. We have lived together since 2021. We rent a house from my mom that she is in charge of, since she took ownership away from her cousin’s childhood home that he grew up in it. I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THEY USED TO PLAY HERE TOGETHER AS KIDS. My mom is going take possession and ownership of her cousin’s dad’s house as well. She owns her house that she lives in by herself, but when her cousin dies she’s going to sell all 3 houses, and buy one house for herself. I have NO DOUBT my mom is a CON ARTIST, because she’s been collecting his veterans cash benefits for years, and she has also taken out a LIFE INSURANCE POLICY on him, so she can eventually buy a house near my narcissistic sister who is her…FIRST DAUGHTER. Oh but wait there’s more…my mom SAID she doesn’t want to work, but she started working July 2023 with a Home Health agency they pay her $14.00 an hour originally 3 hours a week, but since I quit helping her now she’s working 9 hours a week. When I was younger my mom would not let me live at home. She conned me by taking full control of my disability benefits and used my money for herself.

Much relate with concept of pain buildup over time, hardly notice change.

Along with AJ Mahari’s podcast, “Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups,” this series by Renee Swanson has helped me a great deal. I am recovering from a toxic romantic relationship with an undiagnosed person with BPD (and co-morbid possibly NPD). Three months after going full No Contact, I am still suffering immensely. Nearly ever aspect of my life was upended and I’m a shell of my former self. I also was raised by a parent who is undiagnosed but who demonstrates many traits of covert narcissism. I have no doubt that the NPD parent programmed me (unintentionally and subconsciously) to seek out a Cluster B romantic partner. These two podcast series validated my feelings, which I desperately needed. They helped me understand my own flaws which make me susceptible to these Cluster B types of people. They showed me I’m not alone, I’m not overreacting, that I wasn’t at fault, and that there is a path to recovery. Renee and AJ have given me hope when I had none. Thank you!

Well-composed and well-executed.

I almost backward google searched covert narcissism when I found out I had been breadcrumbed, gaslighted, stonewalled—and this last relationship left me so confused. Thank you so much for this podcast. Recognizing I was with a covert narcissist and the emotional and verbal abuse I went through was hard but helpful. We can’t fight what we don’t know. This is wonderful work and helpful to so many

I fell head over heals when I met my husband. He was the whole package, Handsome, brilliant, educated, independent, traditional, responsible, well-off and more. Moreover, he came from a very large close-knit traditional family. Everyone in his family was as born with a welcoming charismatic personality that attracted outsiders. The world seem to stop rotating anytime someone walked through the front door…. Everyone was met with hugs and hellos even if they were elbows deep in some task. I was glamour struck by it all. Coming from a home of cold loneliness run by a bipolar narcissist who controlled everything and everyone with me being the scapegoat. I grew up being my mother’s competition… never her daughter. Looking back over the last 20 years… I was so desperately hungry for love, affection, acceptance, and connection that I clung to this young man like he was a life preserver. He was so modest too! I had never met anyone like him. In some way…. I can say it felt like I was being rescued and maybe God had this planned the whole time? Maybe all my childhood suffering and loneliness was so I would recognize this wonderful gift of a partner and family when the time came! He became my hero…. He was the only person I’d ever met that would stand up to my mother and call her out on her abusive, rude, and irrational behaviors that controlled everyone and everything around her. He was the Prince Charming and I was the princess in the castle that needed rescuing. We dated for 4 years before we got married. There were red flags all along the way…. I can see them all now but I was so forgiving and the things he would say to me sort of felt familiar but they were done in much kinder ways with back-handed comments. When he would miss important events or show up late or make me late/miss things there was always a good excuse that would make it difficult for me to be mad at him…. There was always some homeless person, blind man, or injured animal that he had to pull over and save or give a ride too that would make him hours late…. How could I be upset by that? A few years into our marriage the phrase “you won’t believe what happened to me” was so common place that there was nothing I couldn’t believe anymore….what I could believe was he wasn’t not going to be there for me anytime that I really needed him. Some of the biggest red flags during our courtship were the following: 1. The 1st 4-5 months were amazing… notes on my car or in my apartment from him, flowers just because and so much attention…. I didn’t even know how to take it all in but it felt so good. But all of that faded away…. Any gift I got after that was minimal or cold. I felt like I was clear on the things I liked… my favorite colors, scents, or things that would make a good Christmas or birthday gift. Instead, I got sweaters in the colors I told him I hated that were XL in size or XS. I’m 5’7” and 140 pounds and have been a size 8 for most our marriage and relationship but I’ve gotten size 2 or size 12 clothing. I got drawer organizers because I’m so messy…. I got a DVD player because he didn’t have one and we were moving in together soon. When I said something that I might like as a gift he callled me controlling and manipulative or ungrateful. I just buy my own gifts now. Our 19th wedding anniversary is in a few weeks and I have never received any gift on that day other then a card…. Even if I’ve gotten him a gift. In his mind, he deserves a gift…. But I do not. 2. If I was hurt by something he did or said the. I would always end up apologizing to him for hurting my feelings and it would always be a come to Jesus argument. For example he might give me a very exuberant “Good Girl! You remembered to be the bag in the trash can” this from a man who has never take the trash out in over 15 years. The good girl is said like the way you would talk to a golden retriever for taking a dump in the yard. When I said… hey babe… when you say good girl followed by___ it feels demeaning. And why can’t chores be a team effort like if I’m taking the bag out can you put the bag in? This would be followed by the usual… “you see negative in everything… you are looking for things to be angry about and you can’t even take a compliment!! I can’t do anything right and all I do is for you! I literally do everything for you and this is how I’m treated! Your controlling, evil, manipulative and a bad bad person. Typically there is an hour or more long “talk” which I am to silently take the dump truck of grievances and insults until he runs out of gas. There are long pauses while he gathers more ammunition and I never know if I’m supposed to respond or stay silent.

This podcast is like oxygen to me! The subtle “lack of give” now has a LABEL rather than me about to plead insanity! Every mind doubting moment of the countless I have suffered, are now validated because you have defined and explained! I can now send a podcast to a love-bombed church member or one of my adult children who LOVE this WONDERFUL CHARMING alien demon I married….. He only stole 3 years of my life & tried to get me as low as possible- but I filed divorce a few weeks ago- and I can guarantee this was the LAST PUSH I needed over the edge of hoping he would change! We actually did make Code words but now I realize he is allergic to responsibility! It’s NOT ME- ITS HIM!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!

It’s like you are in my marriage. I have felt so lost wondering… I needed this more than you know. I will follow and use the resources. Thank you

This podcast is so good. It’s just like she is talking to me. The examples she uses are accurate. I love that she gives ways to help in the situation instead of just talking about the narcissist and what they are doing. She gives good insight on how to stop your reaction to things and how to break out. She also explains why and how you end up in these situations

To the folks in the back, couples can be comprised of more than those described as heteronormative. How embarrassed you should be.

I hope the word is getting out about these people. My ex is a narc/addict. I gave 24 yrs recovery/relapse. Grateful I learned a lot in therapy & alanon. I except now he was not really in the weekly therapy, had to treat the addiction first , never got to narcissism. Not my life anymore,just healing, sign divorce papers in two days. His trauma is all his, I had no business believing I could help him feel life.

A friend of mine sent me a clip and I didn’t think I knew any narcissist, but I listened. It blew my mind! I had so many thoughts running around - “I wasn’t crazy”, “I knew I didn’t say THAT”, “THANK GOD!”, “wow…this sounds like my experience”, “oh my GOD!! I was married to a narcissist this WHOLE time!?!”. Now, I am pacing myself, rediscovering who I really am and not what I had become to in order to “deal with it”. So yeah, I am divorced because he did such narcissistic passive-aggressive breakup, that woke me up, and I said yes to divorce. Keeping sharing your story, it’s “freeing” someone.

It’s like a different but same version of my life and it’s sad/nice to hear that there are so many people out there who know EXACTLY what I’ve been through. Absolutely love this podcast

This is an exact description of my life right now! 8 years (now 9 years smh) nothing has changed, with my husband and I felt crazy and couldn’t understand what was happening in my life! I came across one day Covert Narcissism after googling and it was like lightning hit and it all made sense! My nightmare still continues but one day I will find the strength to no longer accept this anymore! Thank you for your podcast! It is amazing to realize that others go through the same thing and understand!

I’m so glad I found this podcast, it’s been an invaluable resource. Just knowing there are other people who have been through this type of insidiously dangerous abuse - and have made it to the other side to find healthy love and life again - restores my hope!

Came upon this podcast this morning and omg I have never felt less crazy then I did listening it to. It’s like you we’re discussing my situation. Ik my situation isn’t unique, sadly, because there are so many narcissists among us but Tysm for making me seem a lot less crazy!!

I have never found a podcast that is so completely accurate. I can’t explain how helpful this podcast is. She knows exactly how to explain covert narcissists and makes you feel like your not crazy. She’s amazing!

The episode on going to counseling with a narcissist gave me flashbacks to how insidious it is when the therapist sides with the covert narcissist because they have no training about dealing with this personality style. I wish I had known to look for a trauma-informed therapist who is knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse. Please make sure you try to find one. My ex is a celebrity, which made it all the more difficult. He charmed the therapist while I wept. I’m divorced three years now and still recovering from decades of abuse. Thanks for your podcast. I wish you and all your listeners peace.

The first episode (29) I listened to sounded like your guest was reading my thoughts! I was married 34 years. The first 10 we’re ok. The last 10 were complete unhappiness. I have never felt more peace and freedom since we divorced and I’ve learned SO much about covert narcissism with every step being a realization that I’m not alone in this. I thought I was the only one who suffered in silence.

My counselor sent me a couple podcasts that she felt might help me and in the process, I found you! I've been married for 30 years and with my husband almost 33 years. I was 17 when I met him. I had no clue what a narcissist was. Now, I realize my husband is a covert narcissist and my journey is a struggle, but I'm learning. So thank you!

I want to thank you so much for creating this podcast! I have been married to a covert narcissist for 20 years! But only recently have figured out who he really is! I have had spine chilling moments with him, and I am in fear for my life, can u do a podcast on signs if your in danger from your narc? And one about how to act in court hearings with your narc and what a judge would want you to show him to keep your protection order, and what a narc does when u file for divorce? Thank you!! Katrina

If someone’s behavior is making you crazy or confusing you this is a must. The intricacies of Covert Narcissism are so difficult to explain and she does a fantastic job of validating and explaining the fog. I have already referred this to several people and will continue to do so. Literally a life saver. Once you see it you see it and you can’t you cant unsee it.

As a child of 2 narcissists, and then marrying one this podcast has helped me understand my choices and how to out-think the crazy they brought to my life. Looking forward to an episode on adults who have narcissistic family members. I’m one of 3 siblings, the two other are definitely narcissistic. The trauma has been awful and the subsequent crazy I have to navigate is sometimes overwhelming. Thanks for this podcast!

I have been listening for a few months. This podcast is great. I have been healing from my narcissistic abuse from my parents and ex boyfriends. Renee thank you for the work you are doing. All these past episodes about the holidays is helping me be less anxious and to lower my expectations. Thank you!

I am only on episode 4 and have never felt so validated in my life. My dad literally just wrote me off after a petty incident where he lost his keys and it is impossible to explain 40+ years of toxic insanity without feeing crazy yourself. I am on a healing journey to rid myself of the family’s dysfunctional dynamic rotating around his unpredictable moods and behavior. He has ruined every family holiday—you called it—he is the VICTIM OF THE PARTY and continues to compete with me for my mom’s affection. Thank you for the bottom of my heart for this podcast.

Incredibly apropos! Kudos Renee for saving lives, especially those of innocent and helpless children caught in the crossfire.

I have listened to many podcasts and Renee not only understands Covert Narcissism and the abuse but you can feel that she has life experience and she shares examples that resonate with you and validate your own experience. Thank you Renee!!!

Helped me so much.

change my life only for the better she is right to the point doesn’t pay her Shane which is so helpful. so knowledgeable I’m deathly gonna do one of the classes certain service I will call the podcast I listen to every episode probably aboutTimes at least can’t say enough positive things to know her in the subject that has only made me stronger and better person to share it with the world

I would like more time spent on adults who had Narc. parents and not spouses. Im not happy that all examples involve renees ex.

Thank you Renée, I feel this is me with your examples. It describes my relationship, my marriage, my family so accurately. I’m not alone!

I laughed as I listened to some (a lot) of these. NOT because funny at all, but because I felt she had been in my house, in my marriage! She was so on target. Ahhh…so good to not be alone and feel a camaraderie, even in a crappy place.

You spoke my secrets into the world. You gave me validation I’ve been seeking for the past two years in my life with a covert narcissist. I think I’ve cried through every podcast; I finally feel not alone. Your podcast has become the beginning to my journey of being released from this horrible situation… each paved step so far has been laid only because I clicked on your podcast. Thank you for sharing your journey, you give me hope that one day I’ll be able to move fully forward past what now I reside in. A must listen to those suffering in angst with the emotional abandonment and lack of give your covert narcissists has surrounded you in their web of ugliness.

Renee is concise and to the point. The pod has great production value and I am so intensely grateful she has put this information out in such an accessible format. This podcast has given me the tools to realize that the abuse I am suffering isn’t about me and was never about me. Please keep it up Renee, you are lending comfort to so many people in desperate situations.

I appreciate this podcast. It has helped me understand why I feel like I can never do anything right in this relationship.

I cannot express how valuable and valued this pod is. Practical and informative. I feel I may survive this after listening to almost all the pods. Thanks so much.

I cannot express, in words, how helpful this podcast has been to me. I have learned SO much and I’ve been able to work through much of my angst and confusion with the help of this podcast. Renee’s compassionate, yet completely honest, content delivery has been a priceless tool in my continuing recovery from this type of abuse. I’m so grateful for everything I’ve learned, and the validation.

Today’s episode came at the perfect time: I’ve been “cocooning” for a couple of months and was wondering what was going on. Thanks to this podcast, I now understand it as a normal part of the healing process. Although my NEX has elements of both overt and covert, this podcast has been extremely relevant. Thank you Rene!

If you’ve met (or been trapped) by a COVERT Narc, this is THE podcast. Every goosebump on my body is raised listening to the examples. If you’re nodding along - keep listening to the help provided here….

Thank you so much for your podcast. You very thoroughly discuss all the aspects of covert narcissism. I’ve been studying it for five years now and it still is hard to believe at times That my ex-husband and my mother seem to have these traits. It took me 37 years of my life to learn that these were happening.

Finding this podcast was a life changing moment for me. It was and continues to be a big part of my healing journey. When I found out I had been married to a narcissist for 22 years we had been separated for 1 year. I was on a journey of healing from a broken marriage and then this!!?? I was searching for something to help me understand what In the world had happened to me. I found Renee’s podcast by chance and every single thing she said was relatable to every moment I had lived for so many years. Hearing someone tell your story has been SO FREEING, life giving and also gut wrenching in the best way! This podcast is the first I found and the best one to date on seeing clearly what being in a relationship with a CN looks like.

Renee one request, can you do an episode directly to flying monkeys?? To help them see beyond the matrix and start having empathy for people abused vs the covert narcissist?

I am not sure what her credentials are, or if she has any or if this is away for her to survive what she went through or is going through. Many times one who is living a terrible experience and trying to survive is an excellent way to educate others. However the real nuts and bolts is finding a professional that teaches or guides in how to help put those nuts and bolts to use in repairing the damage done to you. Some of us have invested many years and the wounds and damage is deep. For me over 32 years of abuse the damage is deep and not sure if I can be helped or ever trust again. More than once I have been so sick, once I couldn’t even hold down water, while he sat and ignored the problem my son forced him to get me to the hospital! I ended up in emergency surgery. He is extremely protective of himself and no one else. Point being in short sometimes people who live it can help themselves by helping others, but it’s not the same as professional help. Seek both perhaps someone who has lived it to listen to you but also get professional help.

Finally a podcast from someone who gets it! She also helps us clear the confusion.. I’ve found other forums that seem more apt to wallow in the “what was done to us” 😬 But I want to move forward- get past it .. yet understand enough that I do not end up in another relationship with a covert NARC!

I am waist deep into this podcast and bingeing. This is a very important topic because covert narcissism isn’t always evident or obvious. Renee does a fantastic job at making you feel absolutely valid in your feelings and also will expose behaviors in covert narcs that kindof wake you up and think - HEY! I know this person. She speaks on her own experience with her ex husband but it’s important to remember that it’s not just your ex - these people come in many forms such as your sibling, friend or even a parent. Renee has opened up my eyes several times and I have pretty much been weepy eyed at work all day yesterday due to the sheer gratefulness I feel, for finally feeling seen and heard. Renee, you do great work and I’m telling everyone I know (who could benefit) to listen to your podcast.

OMG. I am only on the 3rd episode but this resonates with me 100%. I was in a relationship with a covert for 20 years. Thank goodness we never married. I knew that something was *dreadfully* wrong for about the last 10 but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it and I thought I was going crazy. I read Stop Walking On Eggshells about 6 months ago and all the lightbulbs came on. I ended it with her and during our breakup she broke every single agreement we had over the breakup. I have moved out and bought my own place and have started very difficult therapy to address the trauma and CPTSD that I am left with. It’s very hard but I am happier than I have been in so long. There is hope and thank you for this podcast!

I’ve only listened to your first four podcast but they were spot on for me and you seam like a genuine person. But I have to say it wears on me that you refer to the Narcissistic as he, I believe if you looked up Narcissistic in the dictionary you would see a picture of my soon to be ex wife. Can’t wait to listen to more. Thank you